Thursday, 22 November 2012

Day 148 - Slow Down!





Today I experienced myself as rushing within and as myself.  I became aware of the fact that I am not aware of my breath in every moment.  I have been busy with work and other daily activities and I am panicking and rushing to get them all done. 

By the evening I had experienced myself as tired and stressed and anxious.  So during the day the accumulation of energy had gathered and I went into needing to rest and not wanting to do anything.

Anxiety has been something that I have allowed and accepted as part of who I am and within this I am overly hard on myself as I like to get all my tasks that I set myself for that day done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to complete things in that I will then make mistakes and become annoyed with myself and others. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too hard on myself when I make a mistake and then blame others for disturbing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed within and as myself and then blame others for disturbing me and within that become frustrated within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mumble under my breath or in back chat about how I need to get this done, instead of just breathing and slowing myself right down and being HERE present with everything that I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to put stress on my human physical body by rushing and trying to complete every single thing in a time limit that I have set myself, instead of just pacing myself and doing one thing at at a time.  Within this I will experience myself as tension in my shoulders and pressure in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep looking at the clock and checking the time and then panic that I am running out of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that rushing and stressing is going to make me more anxious and wound up and in the end I won't complete anything effectively or accurately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put undue pressure on myself to get everything done, because within that I see/realise and understand that I am only trying to please others because I have done all my work and within that they will think that I am super efficient. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to please others to get acceptance and praise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I haven't got enough time to take a break and stop for a moment to have a coffee or just take a walk to stretch my legs and I will stay sat at the computer with my body becoming tighter because within that I have gone into an energetic charge of stress and anxiety to get it done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy of getting stuff done in the quickest possible time and then feed off the energy of the stress and tension that I create for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a kick from completing everything, in that at the end of the day I sit down for a few moments and tell myself that it is justified as I have worked hard today and completed all my tasks.  Within this I will then experience myself as satisfied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am satisfied and that I have worked hard so within that I deserve a sit down/treat.  I now/see/realise and understand that I am separating myself from everything that I do, in that I see it as hard or a chore and something that must be done in order to be rewarded.  Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate and divide myself further from myself and the task at hand and in the case of writing my blogs I am not at this moment one with the words that are flowing, instead I am seeing it as something that must be done as I made a commitment to self and others to do it.

I  forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down in the moment that I see myself becoming flustered or frustrated and breathe, just breathe, 4 counts in hold and 4 counts out hold and within this I will then pace myself to finish my task and if I don't, because I am interrupted then that is fine as well, as I will just go back to it when I am able. What I now/see/realise and understand is that I am addicted to the energy rush I get from being anxious and stressed and within that I have seen that I have created a belief within and as me that it motivates me and drives me on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am addicted to energy and the rush of being stressed, anxious and that it drives me to get stuff done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to my breath and the fact that I am not breathing and aware here in every moment of breath, but somewhere out there with shortness of breath operating on energy and within that I will experience myself as tired later because I have been expending energy as stress and tension within and as my physical body.

When and as I see myself rushing to finish something because I have created a belief within and as me that I have limited time.  I stop and I take a deep breath and I slow myself right down with the 4 count breath and I bring myself here within and as me and I commit myself to  direct myself to complete the task in and as the breath, aware in every moment that I take a breath and allowing myself to focus completely on the task at hand.

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated/annoyed or tense because I have created a belief within and as me that I am being disturbed and I will never have time to finish my task.  I stop and I breath and I bring myself back here in the breath.  I commit myself to keep breathing and slowing myself down until I am stable and able to continue without becoming agitated and annoyed and tense.

I commit myself to remind myself in every moment that I experience myself as rushing/tense/anxious, that it is not really who I am and that I am in energy and within this I must STOP there and then.

I commit myself to walk clear and stable within and as myself and eradicate all energetic movement within and as me for once and for ALL.